either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
