Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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