I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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