just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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