How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
