we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
