Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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