Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
