On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
