I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
