I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
