Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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