I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
