Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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