I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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