I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
