A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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