I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize