woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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