3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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