She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you will always have a special place in my vag
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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