I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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