so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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