it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
