Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
