no, he came in my armpit
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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