You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
