ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
