There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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