Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
