why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
