no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
