you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
