Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
