She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
