I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
