i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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