That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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