she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
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