I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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