Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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