he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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