I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
