dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
