um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
