omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
