Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
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So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.