I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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