Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.