drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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