Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
