he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
