I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
