saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
