here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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