Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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