I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
