She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
