My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
