You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
