Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
