walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
