when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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