I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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