Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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