I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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