I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
