Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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