The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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