Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
