I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
