I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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