who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
