so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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